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Q. My 5-year-old nephew has lost an eye due to retinoblastoma. He has started asking questions we do not know how to answer (e.g., What does cancer look like? Was I born with it?). How do we answer these questions and ease his anxieties?
When talking to children about a cancer diagnosis, it’s important to provide honest, age-appropriate answers. For instance, when the child asks if they were born with cancer, you can tell them that the cancer happened on its own–nobody did anything to make it happen. There may also be questions that you may not know the answers to and it’s okay to simply say “I don’t know,” which is an honest answer.
The reason why we stress being honest when talking with a child about cancer is that by doing so, you’re letting the child know that you can be trusted. For more information about talking to children and helping them cope with cancer please read our booklet, Helping Children When a Family Member Has Cancer.
Children may not have a clear understanding of what cancer is, which is why we recommend using arts, crafts, toys, and games to assist in talking about cancer. For example, you can take a small piece of clay and place it on a doll to show where the cancer is located. One might also draw a picture of a person to show the child where the cancer is located on the drawing.
It can be helpful to read books which are specifically written to help children understand cancer and its treatment. Kemo Shark is a downloadable comic book that is designed to help kids understand cancer and chemotherapy.
At times, counseling may be useful to assist children in working through the feelings behind their questions. If you think this might be helpful for your nephew, CancerCare’s professional oncology social workers can help you find local children’s counseling services. Please call us at 1-800-813-HOPE (4673).
Answered by
Ella Strzepa, LMSW